change of pace, again

So, once again, things change. I lost that naive, contented high I had yesterday. My dog, Arthur, had a stroke. He couldn't use his legs and the vet said we would have to hand feed him. So my parents had to put him down. I know it was the right thing to do. But...it still hurts. I haven't had a house without dogs since I was 5. It was hard enough when we had to put his brother Charlie down last summer. But I still had Arthur to hold. And now I don't. I've found that for me, though, it's the little things that hurt the most. Knowing that all of his toys are lying around the house and my family is one day going to have to pick them up. Knowing that his bed is still in the dining room, and can't stay there forever. Knowing that my sister had to give him a hug, knowing that it would be the last, and look him in the eyes and tell him she loves him. I almost feel guilty, in a weird sort of way, that I'm not there and don't have to go through all of those painful motions with them. And it's a weird feeling. I feel like there's something I should.....do. But I don't know what. Because obviously I can't change anything.

Anyway. I stayed over at the refugee's place last night and walked to class from their apartment. It was a really nice walk. The light was gorgeous out. Everything looked all fresh and golden. And I've never done that walk before. It was fun noticing little details. Signs on door ("Please wipe your feet." "Please close door." - Both on one building; so many demands!), mopeds parked in yards, the way the trees were reflected onto the water under the bridge at the end of Pawling. Houses with well-manicured landscaping. That my favorite blue house with the matching blue picket fence on the corner of Tibbits and Brunswick is for sale. The smell of a freshly sealed driveway. Feeling the warmth on my skin intensify, then leave, intensify, then leave as I walk in and out of tree's shadows. Top it all off with a good iced coffee and it was a lovely morning.

Tonight I think I'm hanging out with my friends Grace, from Emma Willard, and one of her friends. Then tomorrow my parents come over for reunion/celebration weekend at EW. I love meeting Emma alums, even when I don't know them. There's some sort of inherent connection and you always find something to talk about and bond over. Should be a good time. Major review on Monday in studio, though, so there will be some severe buckling down come Sunday.

Well, I'm off to forage for some dinner. Byeee.